It hurts when someone you poured your heart.. your soul.. your life into.. wishes nothing more than to forget you. Telling you how they enjoyed their time with you so much.. and then going back on it and saying how it was just a waste of time. A waste of breath.
That's what I am.. a wasted breath.
Every time she said "I love you..." was a wasted effort. I should have caught onto it so much sooner.
All those times she was hesitant to say it.. all the times she simply wouldn't respond... The times when I felt that feeling so deep down inside that mabey.. she didn't love me. But refused to even let that come to surface. I dared to ask her once.. and I got back the most bitter response.. and it hurt.
I'm so afraid of that happening again. So many people have told me.. you can't promise never to stop loving.. never to cheat.. never to lie. Is that really true? Even though we really are just human.. Could I really stop loving a person I truly love with all my heart?
What if, when I do fall in love again.. it ends up just the same? The lies start flowing out.. they lead me on.. not really loving.. but not wanting to hurt me. What if I'm ever cheated on.. in a more real sense that whatever happened to me before. If I'm in love with a person.. I can promise I would never do those things.. my love would prevent it. But.. can someone else really promise that too? Even if I felt alone, desolate, deserted.. If I held love.. I would not break it.
Those are the words of my love. The price I paid. The entire reason I took the love of my life to prom was because she wanted to go so badly. And then she wants to do nothing more than sell her dress, rid herself of my memories.. push them out of her mind.. and forget. Her mind's eraser.
All my memories are written in ink. For me.. it's not so easy.
On a side note.. it makes me angry that she's been demanding her stuff back, and insisting that I will probably never do it. She has yet to ship my stuff back, and it took her forever to ship my valentines gift.. though I never inquired once. I'm not an angel, of anything I'm satan himself. But it still makes me angry that she would think I'd keep her shit.
I'm to depressed to rant though..